Tuesday, 6 February 2018

'Why can't I rewind to when my life was ok?'

Do you ever sit there and think 'yep, this is it. My life is finally ok'. No? Well, me either!

A year ago, my life seemed pretty perfect. I thought I was happy, stable and planning my future. Turns out I was miserable, isolated, unstable and the future I had planned, was not going to exist. Fast forward a year on, I can now only see how unhappy I was because I am now out of that situation. This all proves that we are maybe never actually *that* settled. 

That however, does not stop me thinking, 'Why can't I rewind to when my life was ok?'. 2018 is the year of big changes for me. In 8 weeks time, I officially finish my formal lectures at university, with only months until my graduation day (where have those 3 years gone?). I am already applying for jobs. I am back in the dating game and just generally having fun. But there's still that uncertainty of life and what it has planned for me. 

I wake up everyday with a pit of anxiety in my stomach, which is something I had not had for a while. I am constantly worrying about what is coming next, like waiting for a jump scare in a horror film. 'Am I saying the right thing?', 'Should I have sent that message?', 'Will I get a job when I graduate?'. EVERYDAY. It is tiring and I know it is never going to end. Life is full of uncertainty. 

Basically, what I am trying to say is that, life is never going to be stable. Even the times when I thought my life was stable, it turns out it was far from it. Life will never be plain sailing. There is always a wave to ride over or storm that will drown you. BUT, if you take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, or even second by second; life will work out. 

Hang in there. In the words of Ronan Keating, 'Life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it!'