Friday, 17 November 2017

Moving Onto Bigger and Better Things

We live in a world where social media equates to 99% of our daily life. From 'Instagramming' that perfect cup of coffee, to Tweeting about the latest drama! We are totally immersed. There's been quite a few things flying around online and in my mind and I really feel like I need to get things off of my chest. 


'Just because it's not on social media, that doesn't mean it's not happening.'

I know people who will tweet about how they're feeling, as a cry for help or to simply just get the thoughts out of their head. I do it, but there are times when I simply can't put into words how I feel. People just assume you're ok because you haven't tweeted about feeling down or that you're struggling. This is where you really see who actually cares about you. The people who check up on you or just start a general conversation with you, without the prompt of a 'negative' tweet are the ones who matter. Recently, I have felt that whenever I tweet something positive, it is seen as a way of 'rubbing it in people's faces'. 

This brings me on to the topic of 'communities' ...

'Just because we are all part of the same community, it doesn't mean we all have to get along.'
'Communities' on twitter can be a great thing. They're a way of meeting new people, engaging in their content and sharing similarities. However, these 'communities' aren't always the best things to be a part of. I'm using the word 'communities' lightly because I really don't like the idea of how they operate. I have been a part of the 'mental health community' for the past year or so. At the beginning, it was a great place to connect with people who also struggled with their mental health; it made me feel less alone, however things don't seem to be this way anymore. 

I feel like if I am not tweeting about how depressed or anxious I am, I simply don't 'fit in' with the community. Another person on Twitter also said that they feel that are not 'unwell enough' to be part of this community. This is where the idea of communities is all wrong. The idea of these communities is to connect people together, however it is doing the complete opposite, in my opinion it is excluding people. This is why I have completely detached myself from any kind of 'community'. A community is just an adult way of saying 'clique'. 

I don't want to feel pressured into posting particular content just to fit in to that group of people. I want to post things for me, engage with whoever I want, say whatever I want! I use social media and an outlet to express how I am feeling, whether that be happy or sad. If I am going through a difficult time, I don't want people feel pressured to ask me if I'm ok just because I am part of a particular community. I'd rather people genuinely care and ask if I'm ok because they actually cared about my wellbeing. 

I recently went through a difficult time in my personal life as some of you may know and I used my
Twitter as a way of expressing how I felt. In no way was I using it as a way to seek attention or force hate on other people. If anything, I did the complete opposite and didn't want anyone to be negative. Some people may say, 'Don't put your personal life online' and the truth is, whatever I put online is such a small part of what is actually happening or how I am feeling. NO ONE knows what went on/goes on behind closed doors. The things you see online are a moderated and edited version. 

We also need to remember that we are all just humans on Twitter. When we signed up, we didn't sign a contract saying that we had to be part of any community. I'm not going to get along with everyone and I'm definitely not going to agree with everyones opinion. If you simply don't want to see my content, unfollow me... believe me, I won't cry about it :') We are all becoming too obsessed with likes, follows and blocking. If someone blocks me, I don't care! I've blocked people or muted them and sometimes I can't even remember why, but I obviously needed to do it at that time... and that's ok! 

'I've moved on, in more ways than one.'
This brings me on to my last point. I have moved on in both my 'online life' and my personal life. My online life started to take over my life and I began to be obsessed with sharing everything online and spending every waking moment online. This was actually doing more harm than good. Being clouded by the mental health topics made it harder for me to recover. Don't get me wrong, it is SO important that we raise awareness, but if you let your mental illness be the only thing going for you in life, you need to take a step back and realise that it's not healthy. Being immersed in it 24/7 made me fixate on it all even more and I forgot that I actually am 'Sophie'. I became 'Sophie, the girl who has social anxiety and depression', I lost the Sophie that has so much more going for her, but was being held back by mental health. 

Following on from this, I have also moved on with my personal life. I have been speaking to new people, I guess you could say I'm now back on the dating scene (scary but exciting)! Speaking to new people who are not connected to my 'online life' in any way, has been so refreshing and has really made me take a step back and realise that I do have a life outside of social media. One person in particular who I've started speaking to has made me realise how fixated I am on the online persona I have created. He even told me that he was worried about me and I haven't even met him yet... that's when I realised that I really do need to take a step back from it all. 

No matter how much people will want to try to hurt me or bring back bad memories, I am not going to let it stop me from living my life. I'm proud to say that I'm a 20 year old woman, who has already achieved so much in her life and has so much going for her.

On to bigger and better things...