Tuesday, 26 September 2017

Dear Stranger

Dear stranger, 

You may see me laugh and smile online but what you don't see is when I'm crying myself to sleep or when I'm trying to get through a panic attack. You may see me out with my friends having a good time, but what you don't see is the anxiety and worry that is going through my mind.

You may see me tweet saying I feel better, but what you don't see is the struggles I'm still facing, the battles I'm fighting. Just because I'm having a good day, it doesn't mean my problems have completely disappeared. 

What you see online isn't always what is going on behind closed doors. I'm not saying I'm being two faced or fake. I'm not saying I'm not happy, but what I am saying is that you really don't know what people are going through by just reading a few of their social media posts. 

Lastly, I really hope you think twice before the things you say. You may mean well, but when someone is vulnerable and sensitive, the smallest of things can affect them.

From, 

A fellow stranger. 

Monday, 18 September 2017

'Just because I have a mental illness, it doesn't mean I'm a nice person all of the time'

I've often heard the phrase 'mental health community' being thrown around a lot and one of the main things being said by a few people is that, people in a mental health community need to be supportive and kind all the time. There's something about this that really annoys me. Just because we suffer with a mental illness, this does not mean we are not human. We will still be bitchy and we will still speak up when we don't like someone/don't agree with someone. 

Why should we be nice all the time? Yes, this would be the case in an ideal world, but it's just never going to happen. I have social anxiety and depression and yes I will be sympathetic when I want to be but just because I have these illnesses it does not mean I am not going to hate the people who have hurt me. If I have been hurt by someone, I will do what any other human being would do and I will hate them for what they've done to me. It's natural and normal to feel this way. 

We, as mental health bloggers/advocates always say that we will not be defined by our mental illness. So why are we being told that we should be kind and caring all of the time because we are advocates for mental health?

I personally know people who have suffered with their mental health, but have still had the power in them to hurt me and do something so beyond horrible. This is proof that just because mental health is a big part of your life, it doesn't mean you need to be best friends with everyone. 

Of course, it is lovely to have a community to turn to but this does not always necessarily mean that everyone is going to be supportive and kind. But of course, I am not saying to go and hate on everyone who is struggling, they need help!

It's a tricky one... 

What are your thoughts? 

Saturday, 16 September 2017

A single moment...


In that moment, everything changed.
Everything that was planned was suddenly no longer happening.
The future I would have spent with someone is now simply just a thought and no longer a reality.
I felt everything go numb.
The whole world had stopped. 
I was no longer aware of everything around me.
I was vulnerable but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Everything that had just happened, overshadowed all of the happy memories.
In that moment I was lost.
Struggling to grip on to reality, like water falling through my fingers.
Stuck in a whirlwind of emotions; anger, frustration, panic, betrayal, fear, grief, love and worry.
Not knowing where to turn to next.
Fighting to take the next breath, make the next move.

Alone, with the person who I loved next to me but feeling as if they had died and are no longer there.
The person I thought they were or knew them to be didn't exist anymore.
They became a stranger to me, but a stranger who knew every last little detail about me.
Not wanting to leave them because I don't know if that's the last time I'm going to see them.
They've done the worst thing imaginable to me.

Nothing can prepare you for that moment.
In that moment, what I thought my future would be, suddenly slipped away...